Looking at the keyboard I can see that the tops of the keys are grease/oil/dirt covered and there are some questionably colored collections of grime on the sides of some of the keys. Combined these indicate probable eating at the desk.If I were to PAN this keyboard it would definitely be to comment on how unsanitary keyboards are in general. They’re dirtier than a toilet seat regardless of lid position. As an IT support professional using other people’s keyboards grosses me out. When people quit the first thing I do is throw their keyboard away. No way should a new employee have to deal with someone’s popcorn and chips from years before.Aug 7, 2008 at 3:20 pm rating: 90. I’ve been driven mad by it.
Happy Tapping Keyboard Cab For Free
It wasn’t the fingernails.But a former co-worker used to POUND on her keyboard with such ferocity that people would be able to hear it up to 50 feet away (no joke). You could always tell when she hit enter. The adjacent cubicles would tremble from the impact.There were two bits of icing on the cake. First, the multiparagraph stream of consciousness diatribe emails that would come from this pounding. Second, the even more disturbing behavior was that she would sit at her computer with her legs spread eagled, almost at 180 degress, as she typed. In a dress or a skirt no less.It was inspiring.Aug 7, 2008 at 6:03 pm rating: 90. Oh boo-freakin’-hoo.
I bet the prissy bitch that wrote this is too young to even remeber the old IBM clicker keyboards that sounded like a typewriter with every keystroke. Probably the drama queen that signs.extra. loud every time the laser printer comes out of hibernate to warm up for a job.I had a boss walk down the hall once to see “what that noise was” on my second day on the job. It was my typing. Yeah, I have long nails and they click, but I just hit the keys so damn hard that the noise from that was louder. Asking “big boned” people to “walk softer”?Aug 7, 2008 at 7:01 pm rating: 90.
That’s a little presumptious.It’s a fair call though, nesting is handy and clearly you have a thing for it. So, out of deference to your standing in the PAN arena and as a show of thanks for all the giggles you’ve given me in the past few weeks I’ll make an effort in the future.Still, an un-nested comment is a far cry from Russ’s proliferation of fucking blog references. I let him slide for ages before I called asshole, because you have to get at least a 5 out of ten on the asshole stage to get called, and I think he’s nudged himself up to around a six going on seven.I was sitting on 3. Then I told my you to go eat a dick to go eat a dick as well so I’m pushing 4. One more slight from me and you can call Mayor Hole of Ass town.Aug 8, 2008 at 9:18 am rating: 90. Can anyone help me come up with a comprehensive list of office sounds WORSE than the sound of typing?
First of all, because of this site, I am probably #4 on the list – except my maniacal laughing is solo and out of nowhereI would have to say8) The electronic stapler on check run day.9) The stupid bitch who doesn’t know the meaning of “put your phone on silent” that has a very disturbing and sudden ringtone.10) The people who DO put their phone vibrate and then leave it on their desk fuckers!11) The fucking milk steamer over at the coffee station. This isn’t Starbucks goddammit!Not just speakerphone conversations, but I have a guy on the other side of the wall that DIALS on speakerphone, just to pick it up and then talk in foreign language.
Talk about a “twofer”!!Aug 8, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: 90. Nice list, I think this just about covers it! I believe, though, that some of the speakerphone violations are so heinous, they deserve a category of their own. Two examples.1) using speakerphone to check your own voicemail. And yes, we’ve considered leaving a dirty VM for the offender.2) my favorite, I call it speakerphone stereo. This is when two coworkers, one sitting ten feet away from you on your left, the other ten feet from you on your right, need to talk to each other.
So, not wanting to do the hard work of actually getting his ass out of the chair and walking the twenty feet, CW #1 puts his phone on speaker and calls CW #2. CW#2, in his turn, puts his phone on speaker too, and a delightful conversation ensues, while you’re sitting in the surround sound zone dreaming of killing yourself.Aug 8, 2008 at 11:13 am rating: 90. Actually Mishee, laughing at this site is acceptable, since it actually IS funny.Secondly, thanks to everyone for including the various cell phone violations. I’d like to add the people who have an alert for voicemail, and leave the phone on their desk for 5 fucking hours.I’m also certain that speakerphone stereo has left me clinically insane. I was once in the perfect position in the office to hear the conversations of EVERYONE else in there.Team Get Off Your Lazy Ass and Walk Down the Hall Instead of Using Speakerphone.Aug 8, 2008 at 11:25 am rating: 90.
Great list everyone! I have only two very specific additions12) or 3) (depends on whose list I am tacking on to and I’m very afraid of making a mistake): crazy spread eagle keyboard pounder in her boss’ boss office being counseled on her performancewith the door open.
I never knew that it was possible to do a backwards spread eagle as one leans over the bosses desk, but it is. Not recommended by any doctor. Not recommended by any co-worker who has to see it and listen to the conversation.13) or 4) co-workers arguing with their spouseon speaker phone.Aug 8, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: 90. 16) Cube neighbor coming in late and leaning over the wall, because they have “such an amazing and interesting life”, to tell you all about their craptastic weekend with their doorknob sucking spawn and wife. “Oh that is okay I had nothing better to do than listen to the boring and ignorant shit drooling outta your piehole.”17) Being asked to buy a $5 after dinner mint sized candy bar to send aforementioned doorknob sucker and future walmart shopper to band camp. How about buying this candy bar from me for $5 I want to go to fucking Maui?!Aug 8, 2008 at 1:55 pm rating: 90.
I’m all confused about the numbering, so I won’t even try, but I have one to add to the list:#) Personal calls from your children.I work with a woman whose youngest child is 23. This chick calls her mother every day, as many as 10 times a day. If she feels sick she calls to ask if she should go home from work, if she’s stressed she calls to commiserate, if she did something good, she calls. Sometimes, if we’re really lucky, she’ll come in to the office to visit or even better, she’ll come in sick and whine! Often CW will ignore work or clients to answer the call, even though she knows it’s her daughter calling about nothing.My other co-worker has two of the whiniest children ever and they call A LOT to ask if they can go somewhere, get something, when are you coming home, etc.
This would almost be fine except for the fact that their father is a teacher so when they’re home, so is he! He apparently cannot be bothered, even though he’s there, and will tell them to call their mother for permission for everything.Aug 11, 2008 at 1:00 pm rating: 90. Hands over their ears, everyone looks to the back of the room for the source of the excruciating sound of nails on a keyboardQuit: Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll type this report for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy.
Not like going down to the filing cabinet and cross-referencing “Bluegills” and “Tommycocks”. This project, swallow your whole weekend. No booty-shakin’, no sleepin’ in, to work you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your clients, put your business on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my nails a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll write it for three, but I’ll type it, and print it, for ten.
But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay in business, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s too many captains in this office.
Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the introduction, the conclusion, the whole damn thing.Aug 9, 2008 at 10:13 am rating: 90. The thought of clipping fingernails on company time made me recall a wonderful coworker we nicknamed “Bathroom Guy”.He was the guy who never washed his hands, regularly exploded in the toilet, took the newspaper in the stall with him (then put it back in the breakroom), among other transgressions.However, the most surreal incident involved a different coworker walking in, and seeing a naked foot sticking out from under the stall. A hand with a nail clipper was reaching towards the foot, but when the culprit realized someone was there, the foot retracted into the stall.All the coworker heard was the “click click click” of this guy giving himself a pedicure while dropping the kids off at the pool. The ID was confirmed as the offender did the walk of shame back to his desk.In retrospect, I’m sure that has to be considered the greatest multitasking exercise ever.Aug 11, 2008 at 12:49 am rating: 90. I disagree with your assumption Thomas. If this girl was on meth, this note would not only be 10 times longer (going off on quite a few tangents and off topic quite a few times before getting to the point, possibly even including a bit of her life story for effect) but it most likely would’ve been typed or at least written quite neatly.If I made ONE mistake on my To Do lists of my meth days, I would do it ALLLLLL over again.
And these were like, 2 page To Do lists that my hubby called the “Never Gets Done List”Believe me, I know of what I speak.Aug 12, 2008 at 11:44 am rating: 90. Do I really need to start including emoticons in posts in which there are intentional misspellings and usage errors in order for people to comprehend them as such? Since ‘thanks’ is not spelled ‘THX’ I thought it would be understood. And then, TO LAY IT ON THICK AND PLENTY, I thought I would respond with exactly the opposite error, in the hopes that the wink might be realized. The multi-tasking was in reference to questioning someone’s assumptions (which apparently is nearly verboten) and simultaneously including in-jokes and recurring themes like everyone else does here.“You were sayin’ somethin’ about ‘best intentions?’” —Samuel Jackson in “Pulp Fiction”Aug 13, 2008 at 2:08 pm rating: 90.
You can install third-party keyboard apps just like you install other apps on your device. After you install a new keyboard, you need to add it before you can use it.
Follow these steps:. Go to the App Store and find the keyboard app that you want. Tap Get, then follow the prompts to install. Enter your Apple ID password, or use or if it's available on your device. Then add the new keyboard. Go to Settings General Keyboard Keyboards Add a New Keyboard and select the app that you installed. You might need to set the keyboard to allow full access in order to use it.To delete a third-party keyboard:.
Go to Settings General, tap Keyboard, then tap Keyboards. Tap Edit. Tap, then tap Done.You can also delete a keyboard by deleting the companion app that you installed from the App Store. This also removes the keyboard from Settings. While you're using an app, you can switch to a different keyboard, like a third-party keyboard or a language keyboard. Use one-handed typing on your iPhone to make it easier to type with one hand.
Here's how:. Touch and hold or. Tap to move the keyboard to the left.
Tap to move the keyboard to the right. When you're done, touch and hold or. Then tap to bring your keyboard back to its usual setting.You can also turn on one-handed typing from Settings General Keyboards and tap One Handed Keyboard. You need an iPhone 6 or later to use the one-handed keyboard. This feature excludes iPhone SE and iPod touch.If you have an iPhone 6 or later, the one-handed keyboard doesn't work if you have your display set to Zoomed instead of Standard. If you have an iPhone 6 Plus or later, the one-handed keyboard will work if your display is set to Zoomed or Standard. To adjust your display settings, go to Settings Display & Brightness Display Zoom. You can choose between multiple keyboard layouts to match the keys on your physical keyboard.
You can also use an alternative keyboard layout that doesn't match the keys on your physical keyboard.Before you can change your physical keyboard, you need to pair it with your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch. Follow the instructions that came with your keyboard to place it in discovery or pair mode. After you pair it, go to Settings General Hardware Keyboard, then select a layout.Learn how to — like a keyboard — with your device.
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